Get The Hell Back!

I’ve been breathing for 24 years and still find making new friends almost the scariest thing! I am so comfortable just sticking with people I’ve known from high school and below. After 12th grade people just became more and more odd.

In a communication class I took freshman year in college, I learned we attract people. Some people attract psychos, some attract abusive people and so on. I attract needy people who think they own me. It’s one thing to attract needy people, shoot, I’m needy, but to attract needy people you try to lock you down with a ball and chain, just isn’t my thing.

I have found myself almost becoming anti-social. I am so traumatized that there’s going to be a new member to the “I hate Mackleen” club. See, I don’t do being captured nor being anyone’s slave, punching bag, or pet of any sort. So what happens when the writer / poet finds her lovely self in this situation? I shut down. After anyone drains me to the point of no return, it’s a wrap! I find a hole called the ignore button on my phone, come down with the no return calls syndrome, and I take no medication for the ‘if I see you I will go the other way’ fever. In other words, I get real shady until I figure out what to do.

I sat in a church group once talking about my problem, a sweet woman (I thought would be a perfect friend but her issues were worse than mine!) said, “people are just not going to always like you. Whether you help them everyday or not.” Now I knew this, but I didn’t know that this was my life. She doesn’t know this but she saved me a George-Bush era $35 co-pay to see a doctor. I hate for anyone not to like me. I would say, “yes” even if it was an inconvenience. It never failed, as soon as I couldn’t do something, the membership went up at that club I mentioned earlier. Just like that, I would get a withdrawal from them and the relationship was over.

So…I came up with how to solve this problem, beat them to the punch! Shoot, I’m nice but not that nice! Had I figured this out sooner, I would have had a little more money in my pockets, less trips to the pharmacy and less alcohol assumption. The pastor said that same night, “People will send you to the grave.” This entire time I thought, isn’t this what God wants us to do? Treat people, as we would want to be treated. He looked at me and said, “You letting people control you has nothing to do with God, it’s you.” Me huh?

I don’t like being drained but I don’t like being disliked. If at the end of the day, what is more important is someone who isn’t going to take advantage of me then I am better off cutting ties those “haters”. When asked at their stupid club meeting why do you hate Mackleen so much? It’s going to be a constant repetition of, “she said I was draining her.”

*Wink*

Under-Privileged

When it comes to class, everyone at some point in his or her lives hope to either make it to the upper class or stay there. Anything else would be uncivilized! Why the upper class? Who wants to be rich and wealthy when you can struggle and live a full life? Because we all want privilege!
According to dictionary.com, privileged means: “a right, immunity, or benefit enjoyed only by a person beyond the advantages of most.” Where does that leave the rest of us? Unprivileged? No, that leaves us under-privileged.

We are underprivileged because it’s harder for us to get access to things. Not to say we cannot have access to things only the privileged have; it’s just harder. If you take a person like myself, whose family came from a “less fortunate” background, it’s likely in order for me to get ahead, the journey is likely to be harder and longer. Basically, I have to start from scratch. I have to work my way to meet all kinds of people, manage to win them over with my witty charm and with everything I have, “make it.” Take someone else whose parents are well established, known amongst the elite, well connected and can make one phone call in order for their loved ones to get ahead. That is privilege.

Before I am stoned on the way to the mailbox, let me make myself clear on where I stand with this. There is nothing wrong with being privileged. It’s likely the underprivileged eventually make it to the other side and bring others with them, and the cycle continues. The issue is making it across that benefits bridge. Going from under to options. Having that access, picking which door to open instead of trying to pry, kick down or break in the door! What is going to keep you strong enough to finally say those magical words, “I did it.” It’s very simple: faith.
Dictionary.com’s definition of faith is, “belief that is not based on proof.” People really don’t know. If nothing is guaranteed except death and we don’t know what that is either, unless you are a killer or suicidal, (which for the sake of the article, I do not recommend trying to find out) don’t try to figure it out. Keep pushing. Push until you can’t push anymore, rest and start that fight again and this time shove. Put your back to the word no and look forward. Forget the light at the end of the tunnel, what are you doing in a tunnel anyways? Get across that bridge by any means necessary. If you see yourself in it then it belongs to you. When something belongs to you, you cannot under any circumstances let anyone take that away. It’s all you can guarantee yourself at the end of this life, is trying.

The rapper Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson before he was signed to a major label was on a CD by a DJ named DJ Clue; the album was called The Perfect Desert Storm. 50 Cent had a track on the CD called Good Die Young, which was also featured on his very first album "Power Of The Dollar." Anyways, in verse one he talks about how money makes people react and what should happen if he should die. The line that stayed with me for years is, “let my tombstone read I Tried ,and from the start, everything I wrote was from my heart, so it'll always be number one on my chart.” He’s talking about his art. No matter what happens, he did his best and that’s all that mattered.
Being underprivileged can be a moment, not a moment within seconds, but a moment in your life. In order to cross that bridge you have to believe in your heart that you are the best in whatever you do and actually BE the best. I know who’s number one, do you?


Till Next Time,
-MACKLEEN