Who is doing this?

I knew a man; this man was an interesting man. He told me he grew up in Queens, NY. I met him sitting with a group of friends having drinks. Being a lightweight and knowing I had to drive, I tried my best to just sip. He was staying at a hotel not to far away from the bar.

This man was not the most attractive man but to say the least, he was an interesting one. What caught my attention was him telling me he would never date, marry or take a Black girl seriously. Being a “Black girl” I just looked at him. Was I sipping too fast? I asked him why and he talked about his childhood. His mother. What I took away from the conversation was his mother pushing him and his brothers too hard. His sister (the only girl) ended up pregnant and his mother had to help raise his niece.

I sat there, sipping and wondering when this man was going to explain his reasons for staying away from the sistas. He never did. He finished saying his mother was especially hard on his father. So hard that his father left because he couldn’t take the pushiness and neediness of his mother. (His words not mine) His mother became bitter and his baby sister was also bitter. The two of them never did anything to uplift the men in their lives. They just complained and screamed.

He met his wife on a business trip. He showed me a picture of her. Blue eyes, blond hair, skin as soft and snowflake like, just beautiful. I complemented her and he rolled his eyes at me. He told me she was there for him, she never stressed him or pushed him like his mother did. When he came home, he came home to a quiet home. He was never bombarded by questions from a woman, instead greeted with kindness. When he went to bed, he felt successful, there was no one pushing him.

I took this all in and tried not to be judgmental. I kept quiet since he rolled his eyes at me. I needed to get home and told him goodnight. He asked if he could walk me to my car. I didn’t mind. When I got to my car he said he enjoyed talking to me. I winked and smiled. The less I said, the more I felt his thoughts go crazy.

When I got home, I was greeted my husband, “sup gorgeous.” As I got ready for bed I asked him if I was ever too hard on him. He said, “When you are stressed, but I can take it cause I’m a man.” My stress pushes him in a negative way. He explained that I get very independent when things get rough on me. My aggravation puts him in an uncomfortable place because his roll is supposed to provide. I push him into a place where he’s challenged even more because I’m not supportive and my attitude comes off as blame. Is this what this other man went through? Did he go through that kind of push? I thought all women did that maybe I was wrong?

I wished I could have changed the other guys mind. In order for me to do that, it would mean I’d have to change his past. My husband said he doesn’t think this guy hates all black women because he was nice enough to walk me to my car and speak to me. “Don’t take it personally,” he snuggled underneath me. How can I not? The numbers are stacked against “Black girls” and if a Black man tells me we are too hard I have to wonder. Are we too hard?

Under-Privileged

When it comes to class, everyone at some point in his or her lives hope to either make it to the upper class or stay there. Anything else would be uncivilized! Why the upper class? Who wants to be rich and wealthy when you can struggle and live a full life? Because we all want privilege!
According to dictionary.com, privileged means: “a right, immunity, or benefit enjoyed only by a person beyond the advantages of most.” Where does that leave the rest of us? Unprivileged? No, that leaves us under-privileged.

We are underprivileged because it’s harder for us to get access to things. Not to say we cannot have access to things only the privileged have; it’s just harder. If you take a person like myself, whose family came from a “less fortunate” background, it’s likely in order for me to get ahead, the journey is likely to be harder and longer. Basically, I have to start from scratch. I have to work my way to meet all kinds of people, manage to win them over with my witty charm and with everything I have, “make it.” Take someone else whose parents are well established, known amongst the elite, well connected and can make one phone call in order for their loved ones to get ahead. That is privilege.

Before I am stoned on the way to the mailbox, let me make myself clear on where I stand with this. There is nothing wrong with being privileged. It’s likely the underprivileged eventually make it to the other side and bring others with them, and the cycle continues. The issue is making it across that benefits bridge. Going from under to options. Having that access, picking which door to open instead of trying to pry, kick down or break in the door! What is going to keep you strong enough to finally say those magical words, “I did it.” It’s very simple: faith.
Dictionary.com’s definition of faith is, “belief that is not based on proof.” People really don’t know. If nothing is guaranteed except death and we don’t know what that is either, unless you are a killer or suicidal, (which for the sake of the article, I do not recommend trying to find out) don’t try to figure it out. Keep pushing. Push until you can’t push anymore, rest and start that fight again and this time shove. Put your back to the word no and look forward. Forget the light at the end of the tunnel, what are you doing in a tunnel anyways? Get across that bridge by any means necessary. If you see yourself in it then it belongs to you. When something belongs to you, you cannot under any circumstances let anyone take that away. It’s all you can guarantee yourself at the end of this life, is trying.

The rapper Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson before he was signed to a major label was on a CD by a DJ named DJ Clue; the album was called The Perfect Desert Storm. 50 Cent had a track on the CD called Good Die Young, which was also featured on his very first album "Power Of The Dollar." Anyways, in verse one he talks about how money makes people react and what should happen if he should die. The line that stayed with me for years is, “let my tombstone read I Tried ,and from the start, everything I wrote was from my heart, so it'll always be number one on my chart.” He’s talking about his art. No matter what happens, he did his best and that’s all that mattered.
Being underprivileged can be a moment, not a moment within seconds, but a moment in your life. In order to cross that bridge you have to believe in your heart that you are the best in whatever you do and actually BE the best. I know who’s number one, do you?


Till Next Time,
-MACKLEEN