Learning to Love this Moment

Wow, it’s been a long time since I even touched this thing. Well, I’m back, spilling my beans. I’m having a lot of trouble sleeping. Going through a break-up is really hard. Why is it things that are a part of life so tough? It’s the loneliest process I’ve ever experienced. Maybe because it was my first…what everything?! I think it’s the failure of trying and embarrassment of being played like a dog. Being treated like crap by someone who once treated you like a queen is mind blowing sometimes. You go through these crazy emotions but the strongest one is sadness. The best one is acceptance.

As I spent the afternoon with a friend of mine, who happened to be a male, I was able to really vent and got an interesting prospective of how to move forward. Forgiveness is soo needed to heal. I imagine carrying this kind of pain is destructive. I see women all the time just angry, so thirsty for a man they will do anything then end up bitter. I just can’t do it. It’s not me nor will it ever be. I don’t have a desire to befriend everyone I meet, but I am in search of a deeper connection. I don’t know what my future holds but it’s going to be good. I know I’m not a bad person just a 26 year old lady with some flaws.

Being alone shows you what you have done to get here. I see things from such a different perspective it isn’t even funny. I think I’m going to be even better for the next man or who knows maybe the original?! Only God knows, when He tells me to make a move, I’ll move. For now, I’m forgiving him out of love and obedience from the Lord. I’m in a peaceful place where I think joy fills my soul. Yeah, you know what? I’m am happy because I did what I was told to do and all things do work out for the best.

Peace and Love,
Rest in Peace 3rd Fetus…
Till Next Time
-Mackleen

When Your Lonely

Whenever I think of lonely people, the song, “All By My Self” by Eric Carmen comes to mind. What is it that really makes up lonely? I know a lot of people who are just fine by themselves, personally I like being alone for at least part of the day. I like my space but there are times when I’m lonely. I grew up basically an only child so I felt the loneliness since I was small. This feeling isn’t new to me. What is new is the re occurrence of this emotion. What is it in this world that makes this emotion so powerful?

We interact with people all day long but somehow in the mist of the day, we fade out from world into one where no one exist but yourself. Lonely city population one. How is a person to concur this?

I had a conversation with a new friend. I thought this person was just going to drop something off and go but they were there for hours. I didn’t mind because I wasn’t in a rush to get back to writing but I remembered something my mom told me. She always said, don’t mind people who like to be in your company, they are just a little lonely. She went on to say, it’s ok to dedicate your time to lonely people because you never know when that’s going to be you.

As you all should know by now, I have people trusting issues. I don’t even like making new friends! Somehow I always find myself in the company of interesting people. I must have a welcome mat on my forehead. My point is whenever people are in their lonely season I want you to understand it’s just a passing moment. There will be more and just like the last one, it too shall pass. It will pass as long as you let it. I think sometimes when we get so caught up in being lonely that we almost in some ways make sure we stay that way. We latch on to the wrong people to fill that void when in fact it’s your lonely season. Let it pass and allow yourself to be vulnerable.
When I say vulnerable, I don’t mean become friends with anyone. I mean put yourself in the right circle. Be who you are in the right place and that loneliness will pass. Clinging on to whoever comes along be it, physically, sexually or in some cases over the internet is not going to make it go away. Being lonely doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. It’s a mental state and an emotion. It will pass but don’t force it.

Someone told me that fact that I’m afraid of planes means I’m not a real Christian because I shouldn’t be afraid to die. No fool, it means I don’t like the thought of plunging to my death. I’d rather be sleeping then waking up on a cloud next to Jesus. They were right about me thinking of the extreme. I have better chances dying going to the grocery store than on a plane. The same goes for loneliness. When you are in the same state, do not think of the extreme. Sometimes we need to focus on what’s in front of us and live through that season. Even ifs it’s just for a moment.